Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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