3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
