I am spending my child support on dildos
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
