The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
