The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize