Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
