I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
