Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
