We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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