you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
