Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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