New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
