Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
