i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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