Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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