I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
