I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
