And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
