I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
