We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
