first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
