fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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