oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
