I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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