woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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