Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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