I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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