Swine flu. Run for my life!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
PANTIES FOUND
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