Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
