can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
