Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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