He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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