and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
