it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
