Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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