I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Your dad touched me again.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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