Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
