I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
