I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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