im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
