My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize