I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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