Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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