i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
