my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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