You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize