I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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