why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize