I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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