I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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