You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
