All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
