That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
