I think I won the penis lottery.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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