I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
