i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dick very happy bro
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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