were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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