I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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