Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So much rum. So many feels.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
