Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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