While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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