What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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