when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
