Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
