If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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