Do you still have your period?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
