help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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