okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
